my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
