I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
