I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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