You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
