There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
