nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
