The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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