Can i not drive my cunt home
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
