You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
