i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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