Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
