I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
