In the future we'll all be gay
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
