my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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