I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can I color on your dick again?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
