He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
