I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
