Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
