I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
