He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
