I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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