I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
