I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I could make wine with my vomit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
