So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
