I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
