FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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