I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
