You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
