i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
