He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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