my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Are we still banned from the library?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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