im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
