Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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