Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
