Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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