What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
