Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize