i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what day is it and did you see me today?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
