i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
