Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
