Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
