I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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