oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
