he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
