oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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