I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
