We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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