So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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