My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
