Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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