He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
