I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
