When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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