dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
