i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
